She's Out of Hiccup's League 1

How to Train Your Dragon- She's Out of My League
Chapter One: I'll Never Go To The Moon
Summary: Astrid kissed Hiccup, but she didn't mean it, right? Was it possible for this perfect viking girl to be interested in Hiccup? What lengths will Hiccup go to to make his relationship with Astrid work?


It was a regular day in the village of Berk. Of course, there was a new definition to "regular" to the Viking residents. A "regular day" now included feeding your pet dragon, racing your friend in the air on them, and chasing down said dragon for their bath. This was all thanks to their new hero, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, son of Stoick the Vast. Coincidentally, this young hero had just woken up a few days before to discover the newfound peace between these two former enemies and his new leg. As unfortunate as the latter was, there were some upsides. The villagers listened to him, people looked at him with a smile instead of with disdain, and he finally had some human friends-though Toothless would always be his best friend and nothing could ever change that.
Currently, Hiccup was sitting on the upper docks with Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Tuffnut, watching the fisherman below haul in their catch. Nearby, their dragons were giving their rider's the cold shoulder for telling them they weren't allowed to have any of that catch since they just had lunch. Humans could be so unfair.
"So, Hiccup," Snotlout began after the boys had been quiet for a little while, "my Dad told me something interesting happened outside your house when you woke up."
Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "Well, Toothless did bowl him over when he saw the new tailfin and saddle," he shrugged. Snotlout shook his head.
"Nuh-uh. Nope. Not what I was talking about. Something happened with you and a certain blonde Viking girl with a battle axe, spiked skirt, and a Deadly Nadder." Now Tuffnut's and Fishlegs had their eyes on Hiccup, too. The new hero turned the most brilliant shade of red. Even his ears were glowing with the color.
Hiccup mumbled.
"Sorry, what was that?" Snotlout teased, leaning in closer with his hand cupped to his ear.
"She kissed me. On the lips," Hiccup mumbled a little louder. The new hero almost fell into the water below with the force of Fishlegs slapping him on the back in a congratulatory manner.
"Wait to go, Hiccup!" Fishlegs cheered. "It's taken you seven years, but now Astrid's finally into you!"
Hiccup shook his head. "No, no. Astrid…I don't know why she kissed me but…there are very few things in life that I'm absolutely certain of and Astrid does not like me."
"Don't be such a Lay Down Larry," Fishlegs encouraged, watching a Terrible Terror fly by.
"I'm not being a-" Hiccup paused as he, Snotlout, and Tuffnut turned and gave Fishlegs a look. "Lay Down Larry?" Fishlegs shrugged. Tuffnut snorted.
"It's like saying…" Hiccup looked to the sky for inspiration. "It's like saying I'll never go to the moon and I'm alright with that, too."
Tuffnut frowned. "You don't want to go to the moon?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Bullshit!"
"No, no," Hiccup rubbed his forehead in frustration. "I'm saying that I never will go to the moon and that's just fine by me because I never expected to!" Hiccup thought of the kiss again. He wasn't sure if it was the memory or the afternoon sun that was making him feel so warm. Ever since then, things had been just a little awkward between the two of them. He hadn't quite been able to look her in the eye and every time he tried. She'd quickly look away. That was how someone who regretted their decision acted. Not someone who liked the crippled hero of Berk.
"Well, Hiccup," Tuffnut said, put a hand on his shoulder, "I can say with almost complete certainty that Astrid is not into you. I mean, sure, she visited you every day while you were out, but so did the rest of us! She was just caught up in the moment of the 'Great Hero of Berk' waking up is all."
Snotlout nodded. "Yeah, here's the thing, oh-cousin-of-mine: you did save us all, but when it comes down to it, you're…" A flock of Terrible Terrors flew overhead and that struck Snotlout with inspiration. "You're a Merrible Merror."
Hiccup was thoroughly confused. "A what?"
"A Man Terrible Terror," Snotlout explained. "Girls like Astrid will want to feed you, cuddle you, and take you out on a walk but no girl and I mean no girl…wants to do the Merrible Merror."
Tuffnut shook his head sadly. "Nobody would ever fuck a Merrible Merror."
Hiccup gave them his perfected "I-can't-believe-you-call-yourself-a-human" sarcastic stare. "Thank you for summing that up," he grumbled. Hiccup turned back to look at the sea, determined to ignore his new friends for a while now. A shadow passed overhead.
"She has great timing!" Tuffnut said admiringly. Hiccup looked around just in time to see Astrid land with her Deadly Nadder just a few feet down the dock from them. She smiled as she dismounted. Hiccup scrambled as best as he could to his feet.
"Astrid! Hey…Astrid. Hey, Astrid. Hi, Astrid," Hiccup babbled. He promptly shut his mouth when he heard someone who sounded suspiciously like Tuffnut snort behind him.
"Hey, Hiccup," she said. Oh, Gods. Why is she walking over here? Why is she walking over here? Hiccup thought frantically. She stopped right in front of him, hands on her hips.
"So Ruffnut and I were going to watch some of the competitions on Thor'sday Thursday up near the cliff looking over Black Heart Bay. It's great for watching the boat races and they're always right around midday so we'll have a lunch and everything…you wanna come?"
Hiccup was sure she could see his heart almost exploding from his ribcage underneath his skinny frame. "Uh, um, sure. That-that-that'd be great." Astrid smiled.
"Great!" she said, sounding like she meant it (but she couldn't, could she?) "We'll meet you after the Ugliest Baby Contest and feel free to bring a friend." She looked out at the sea. "Hey, the Meatheads are here," she observed. Sure enough, the ships of the Meatheads from the nearby Meathead Island could be seen on the horizon. Apparently, Stoick had had a hard time convincing them while Hiccup was still knocked out that they were not being overrun by dragons and they were not insane for keeping them as pets. A few cuddly and well-behaved Terrible Terrors were all it took for them to be convinced, though, apparently, they were still wary of Toothless. The Hooligan tribe was encouraged to make sure their dragons were on their best behavior (or to keep them at home-whichever option they believed wouldn't result in one of the Meatheads trying to behead a dragon.)
"I'll see you guys in the Great Hall, later," Astrid said, climbing up on her Nadder. She flew off and the boys moved toward their dragons, too.
"Well, that settles it," Tuffnut decided, swinging a leg over his head of the Zippleback. "Astrid doesn't have a thing for you, but she is trying to set you up with the bitchy friend."
Hiccup's heart fell a little. Astrid didn't really like him, then. He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.
"Yeah, that-that's fine. And your sister isn't a bitch, she's just…different."
Tuffnut snorted. "Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't."